Thursday, April 26, 2007

Last Call

Setting: a bar.
Time: midnight
A and B: two people. Age, gender, ethnicity to be determined by production group.

A and B sit at bar, large, full glasses of beer in front of them.

A: You ever think it’d be like this? A glass of beer at midnight?

B: Nope.

A: I mean, I always thought there’d be, I don’t know, a bit more anticipation, a bit more preparation, you know?

B: Yeah.

A: Something big, something spectacular—like all those movies with what’s-his-name and sand and stuff.

B: Who?

A: You know, the actor. Big guy. Did lots of movies in the 50s and 60s. Based on Bible stories. Then became a gun nut. NRA and all that. Cold dead hands.

B: Cold dead hands???

A: The bumper sticker. Don’t you remember? “The only way you’ll register my guns is to pry them out of my cold, dead hands?”

B: Oh. Yeah.

A: So who was the actor? The one who became a gun nut?

B: Reagan?

A: No, no. Reagan became President. Besides, he was G.E., not NRA.

B: G.E.?

A: General Electric.

B: What about General Electric?

A: Reagan. Ronald Reagan did commercials for G.E. After he was an actor.

B: After? Thought he became President after.

A: He did that after the commercials. No, after he was governor of California. First he was an actor, then he did commercials for G.E. Then he was governor of California. Then he was President.

B: Oh.

A: Anyway, it wasn’t Reagan.

B: Who wasn’t?

A: The actor who did the Bible movies, then became a gun nut.

B: Oh. You mean Ted Nugent?

A: Who?

B: Ted Nugent. Hunter. Guns. Macho. Bible.

A: No, not Ted Nugent,

B: He was a gun nut.

A: I know. But not the gun nut I mean.

B: Oh.

A: Nugent played Jesus.

B: Ted Nugent didn’t play Jesus. Ted Neeley played Jesus.

A: Are you sure?

B: Yes. So what does Ted Neeley have to do with this?

A: Nothing. I mean the gun nut who played Moses.

B: Moses?

A: Like in the desert. With the commandments.

B: Oh.

A: So who was it?

B: Don’t know.

[a thin tendril of gray smoke starts to curl across the stage]

A: Yul Brynner? No, he was Pharoah.

B: Pharoah?

A: In the movie. With Moses.

B: Oh.

A: Doesn’t matter. Anyway, that’s how I thought it would be. Music. Trumpets. Seas parting. That sort of thing.

B: No.

A: Instead, this. [points to smoke that’s getting stronger.]

B: Yeah.

A: Ironic.

B: Yeah.

A: Just a warning he said. A small tactical device he said. Just to send a message.

B: Yeah.

A: Then, boom!

B: Lots of booms.

A: We should have impeached the mother fucker when we had the chance.

B: When was that?

A: Guess not.

B: Yeah. Well . . .

[They drain glasses. Clink glasses.]

A: Last call.
[They stare into glasses. Smoke fills the stage. Fadeout.]